WHAT IS ATYPICAL ANOREXIA?
Eating disorders are hugely stigmatised around the idea of people's weight and what they look like, but the reality of this illness is that eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes.
Last year I was diagnosed with Atypical Anorexia. Hearing the word Anorexia scared me; I was in complete denial that I had an eating disorder and that I had 'Anorexia'. I was uneducated about eating disorders; I believed I wasn't skinny enough and wasn't ill enough to be diagnosed. However, the reality of this illness is that it's not how much you weigh or how your body appears; it's a mental battle within your mind.
Atypical Anorexia is defined as an "intense fear of weight gain and an extreme restriction of food and energy intake". The only difference between "
'Anorexia' and 'Atypical Anorexia' is that I maintain a medically acceptable BMI. If I had lost three more pounds, I would have been diagnosed with Anorexia.
They are the same thing. Unfortunately, BMI was created many years ago and hasn't been adapted since. This is the only thing the medical professionals have. However, it's not an accurate health marker, especially for people with eating disorders.
It's hard to know whether you have an eating disorder or not due to the idea of eating disorders being a weight issue. If your weight is medically acceptable, it can be extremely difficult for you to be diagnosed or offered the help you need mentally.
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I had lost a drastic amount of weight in a year and also lost my period for seven months; I was lucky enough to be referred to an eating disorder clinic. However, when diagnosed with 'Atypical Anorexia' there was a sense of fear, as in "omg, what I have I done to myself, how have I got here", but still, my eating disorder voice was saying, "you're still not skinny enough" "you are not ill enough" "loose those 3 pounds to fit into that underweight category". But in reality, I wasn't aware of how ill I was and didn't need my BMI to indicate that to me.
I was underweight because I didn't have enough energy to produce my monthly period; my body held that energy and used it for something else. I was tired, lightheaded, and had no energy to do anything other than get up, work and go back to sleep. Some days, this was impossible for me.
When you hear 'eating disorder', you instantly think of food, and the simple solution is to eat. Eating is easy. However, it is so much more than just food. I would describe an eating disorder as another person, a friend even. Being in recovery for over a year, I can differentiate my thoughts and my eating disorder thoughts. However, at the beginning of my recovery, these two thought processes were one; actually, it was just my eating disorder thoughts, and I had zero control over my own.
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An eating disorder is a bully but appears as a friend. It's a constant voice in your head that you trust and believe you can't live without. For example, it's like you are in a toxic relationship. You know you can't be with this person anymore, but you're so obsessed and in love with them that it blinds you from reality. You don't know who you are without that person because your life and who you are is defined by your relationship, similar to having an eating disorder.
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I remember discussing with my therapist when I thought I was doing quite well in my recovery. I was eating a lot more regularly, exercising less and gaining weight. However, my eating disorder was louder than ever.
She explained that I was afraid and clinging to my eating disorder at the beginning of my recovery, because that's all I knew and trusted. However, the roles were now being reversed. My eating disorder was the one that was afraid and was being louder because it could see I was getting stronger and separating myself from it. Therefore, it wanted to cling onto me by saying nasty things, wanting me to feel guilty for enjoying food and going out with my friends, just like a 'toxic relationship'.
Have you ever gone through a breakup, and once you finally feel confident and concentrate on yourself your ex suddenly appears again? The odd message or phone call, even a like on your Instagram post to show that they're there, clinging on because they are afraid of you being strong and moving on without them. It's the same with an eating disorder.
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Many eating disorders do not fit into the more common diagnostic boxes, but it doesn't mean they're any less serious or dangerous. Less than 6% of people with an eating disorder are medically diagnosed as "underweight".
Eating Disorders are mental health disorders, not weight disorders. Weight is not a measure of how sick you are or how much you are suffering.
Please know that how you feel and think is so important. Your body image and weight are not the main things you need to consider if you are struggling.
Alessia Ives